Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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