my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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