I love black thongs
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
