it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Let's get the cat blown out
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
