the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
