u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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