There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
