There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
These tits shall not be calmed
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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