im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
