so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
