we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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