i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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