i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
