I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Slut skills are useful in every country.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
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I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
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My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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