those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i drank out of a bidet.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
