we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
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