if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
