I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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