I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
