I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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