Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
