you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
