I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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