There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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