Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I want to fling myself into the sun
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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