i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
