So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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