I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
no you cant smoke seaweed
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
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The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
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There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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