don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
