I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
