Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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