I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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