She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
