I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
