I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
