At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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