I'm going to jail i love you
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
