so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
