I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
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btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
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You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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