someone threw a dead crab at me
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
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Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
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I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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