My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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