Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Can you bring me the toilet please
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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