There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Randomize
