Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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