I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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