You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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