I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
