Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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