i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
