Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
