I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
