Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
