you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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