if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
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I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
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Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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