yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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