The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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