so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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