Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
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I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
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I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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