You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
COCAINE IS GR8
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
