Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
