I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Randomize
