im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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