The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
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We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
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I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize