She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
