She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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