Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
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So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
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Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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