Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
