dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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