I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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