We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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