Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
