Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
