Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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