Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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