I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
