So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
